More Quotes from "Winning With People"

Here are some more of my favorite quotes from Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time by John Maxwell.

"Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, and nothing we attempt ever without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of finitude and fallibility we call humanness, we are saved by forgiveness." -David Augsburger

"In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends."

"Friendship is like money, easier made than kept."  -Samuel Butler

"There may be nothing more important in a marriage than a determination that it shall persist.  With such a determination, individuals force themselves to adjust and to accept situations which would otherwise seem sufficient grounds for a breakup."  -Dr. Alfred Kinsey

"What we obtain to cheaply we esteem to little; it is dearness only that gives everything its value."  -Thomas Paine

"It is impossible to learn anything important about anyone until we get him or her to disagree with us; it is only in contradiction that character is disclosed."  - Sydney J. Harris

"The key to everything is patience.  You get the chicken by hatching the egg,
not smashing it."  -Arnold Glasgow

"The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons."  -Aristotle

"A genuine friend encourages and challenges us to live out our best thoughts, honor our purest motives, and achieve our most significant dreams."
-Dan Reiland

"Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your back yard, in which to bury
the faults of your friends."  -Henry Ward Beecher

"I realized that if you're slinging mud, you're losing ground."

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks
others have thrown at him."  -David Brinkley

"Most people make some good choices every day, but they don't make enough good choices to create momentum and obtain success."  -Hector LaMarque

"Because the high road is uphill, no one travels it by accident."

"Treat people as though they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming." -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Enjoy!

-Melissa

Quotes from Winning With People

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time by John Maxwell.

"Good relationships are more than just the icing on the cake in life.  

They are the cake."

"Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important.  They do not mean to do harm.  They are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves."  -Poet T.S. Eliot

"I always say that the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself.  You've got to be your own best friend first."  - Phil McGraw

"He who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself." -George Herbert

"This is certain, that a man that studieth revenge keeps his wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well."  -Statesman Sir Francis Bacon

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." 

-Lady Dorothy Nevill

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

"We gossip because we fail to love.  When we love people, we don't criticize them.  If we  love them, their failures hurt.  We don't advertise the sins of people we love any more than we advertise our own."  - John  Whit, "The Flight"

"People can be the wind beneath our wings or the anchor on our boat."

"Whenever you are too selfishly looking out for your own interest, you have only one person working for you-yourself.  When you help a dozen other people with their problems, you have a dozen people working with you."- William B. Given Jr.

"Sometimes when you give someone a piece of your mind, 

you lose your own peace of mind."

"I believe that if people made the effort to see things from other's points of view, 80% of our relational conflict would disappear."

"Understanding someone properly involves learning from him, and learning from someone properly involves changing oneself."  - Hans Kung

"The Platinum Rule:  Treat others the way they want to be treated."

"Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse.  But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be."  -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Integrity is the basis of trust....  It is the one quality that cannot be acquired, but must be earned.  It is given by coworkers and followers, and without it, the leader can't function."  -Warren Bennis

"A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of  us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults." -Charles Kingsley

"Successful people make right decisions early and manage those decisions daily."

"All seems infected that the infected spy, as all looks yellow to the jaundiced eye." -Alexander Pope

"Studies have shown that, in the average home, for every positive statement, a child receives 10 negative statements.  The school environment is only slightly better; students hear seven negative statements from their teachers for every one positive statement.... It takes four positive statements to negate the effect of one negative statement." - Neil Anderson

Some powerful words for you to ponder.  Enjoy!

-Melissa

An Experiment in Personal Growth

As proud as I was to lose my twins baby weight, I must admit I have put 10 pounds back on this year.  Add to that, my stomach  muscles are in rare form (diastasis recti) and there are other areas of my body needing a lift, tuck, and tone!  A cheap and accessible fix is running and I've lost weight before running.  Its a great idea, except I HATE to run... or exercise.... or sweat.  I decided I was going to do it anyways.  Will power in many areas isn't my strength so this was going to be an all around experiment in personal growth!

A failed start about two months ago due to some foot issues brought me back to a point of decision to begin again the last week of September.  I searched for some new runner tips online about breathing, body positioning, and how to start a running program.  For someone like me who is out of shape and doesn't like to run, I found a program that has been very doable.  I am currently in week three of the training program and am proud of what I've accomplished and the dedication I've had to my new project.

Most days I'm pushing my two year old twin boys in a stroller but really enjoy time to myself on the off day. Here is the training schedule I'm using and run at least 5 days a week.  (I can't remember where I found the information, nor can I find it again.)  I use my cell phone to time the intervals.

Walk 5 minutes to warm up.
Week 1:  Run 1 minute, walk 5 minutes, 5 times for a total of 30 minutes
Week 2:  Run 2 minute, walk 4 minutes, 5 times for a total of 30 minutes
Week 3:  Run 3 minute, walk 3 minutes, 5 times for a total of 30 minutes
Week 4:  Run 4 minute, walk 2 minutes, 5 times for a total of 30 minutes
Week 5:  Run 5 minute, walk 1 minutes, 5 times for a total of 30 minutes
Week 6:  Run for 30 minutes

There were many reasons I hated running, even as a kid.  I was so out of shape that it was uncomfortable, shortness of breath due to being out of shape, asthma, side stitches, muscle cramping, etc....  I looked up information on breathing techniques to help with the shortness of breath.  Proper hydration and stretching can help prevent muscle cramping along with not running on a full stomach.  You can find a lot of great tips in this article plus more on their website.

Women's Health Magazine web article  "101 Greatest Running Tips"

In my first three weeks of running I lost 5 pounds on the scale and my clothes are fitting better, I'm gaining muscle, and I can physically see the toning results.  As great as those are, I must say there are several more affecting other areas of my life.  I normally run in the morning shortly after breakfast and find that is a great way to start my day.  The physical activity and fresh air get me moving and working right away and I find myself getting more accomplished each day.  Running has been a great stress reliever and also gets my children out for some fresh air too.

Even in these early stages, I'm already learning to enjoy running even though it is challenging and pushing me past my exercise comfort zone.  Seeing myself attain each small goal towards my ultimate goal is encouraging and rewarding.  I never thought I'd see myself as a runner and now once I reach my running 30 minute straight goal, I'll set a new one- like a 5k!  These achievements, in an area that previously seemed impossible, are raising my confidence.  Now I'm striving for goals in other areas of my life that always seemed too lofty- like in business.  Crazy how one small change can be a catalyst towards improving my whole day, my outlook, and other personal goals.

If I can do it, so can you!

-Melissa

Can We Build Mutual Trust?

Relationships rise and fall on trust.  John Maxwell evaluates five people principles associated with building trust in relationships.  Question 3 in Maxwell's book  Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time, is The Trust Question:  Can We Build Mutual Trust?


The Bedrock Principle
Trust is the foundation of all relationships.   

"Developing trust is like constructing a building.  It takes time, and it must be done one piece at a time.  As in construction, it's much quicker and easier to tear something down than it is to build it up.  But if the foundation is strong, there is a good chance that what is built upon will stand."

Trust is the framework of a relationship.

"A relationship can also be described as being like a painting.  Trust is like the frame that surrounds it--and holds it together.  It provides a context in which to view the work of art.  Trust defines its boundaries. And trust secures it to the wall so that it can be enjoyed.  Trust provides emotional structure."

Earning Trust of Others

• Trust begins with yourself.  Awareness of your own weaknesses allows for personal growth and honesty with others.

• Trust cannot be compartmentalized.  A person cannot be trustworthy in one area and not in another.  If a person compromises his or hers values in business, he or she will eventually do the same to family and friends.  How a person treats others is how he will one day treat you.  "An individual's character eventually bleeds into every aspect of his life."

• Trust works like a bank account.  To grow your investment in others, you must continually do things which build trust.  On occasion, you may make a mistake and lose credit.  However, past deposits will still be earning interest!

Surround yourself with an inner circle of true friends.  To identify these people, ask yourself if they: "love me unconditionally, embrace my vision, embody my values, represent me well to others, look out for my best interests, speak the truth when I need to hear it, support me during the tough times, and defend me to my critics."

The Situation Principle
When a relationship encounters a rough patch, do you focus on the situation or the relationship?  We can't just bail out of a relationship every time we need to work hard or make sacrifices.  This is especially true with our family as we don't get to choose who they are.  We all have friends and family who put more strain on relationships than others.


Ways to help you keep the proper perspective on a situation.

• Focus on the big picture.  Remind yourself why a person is important to you.
• Communicate the big picture.  Even amid tough times, let people know that they are loved and important to you.
• Evaluate whether a problem is a one-time deal or a repeating scenario.  There is a big difference between the two.  Even repeated problems can be solved with a commitment to resolution from all parties.
• Learn to pick your battles.  Making every little thing a big deal creates a tense, unhealthy atmosphere for you and  those you interact with.
• Show unconditional love at all times, especially during the storms.  As a parent, spouse, friend, and leader, people need to know you love them in the best and worst of times.

The Bob Principle
"When Bob has a problem with everyone, Bob is usually the problem."  
How to spot a "Bob":

• A " Bob" carries around problems and spreads his poison to others.
• A " Bob"  will find a problem in every situation and expose them to others.
• A " Bob"  always creates problems and tries to involve others.
• A " Bob"  is usually the ready ear for other people's problems and encourages people to continually dump problems on them.
• A " Bob" never sees a problem with their own conduct.

"Every problem starter is like a fire lighter.  And each of us is like a person carrying two buckets.  One is filled with water and the other with gasoline.  When we see the spark of a problem fire being lit, we can choose to douse it with water and put it out.  Or we can throw gasoline on it and make it worse.  If we want to control the amount of damage Bob can do, we need to use the water."

How  to deal with a "Bob".

• When someone tries to be negative, say something positive.  Always try to find the bright side.
• If a person's motives are being criticized, give them the benefit of the doubt.  Never presume to know the heart of another person.
• Encourage people to resolve problems with the involved parties instead of bringing them to you.
• Keep "Bob" away from others to avoid spreading their negativism.

The Approachability Principle
"Approachabiltiy" is a powerful tool to have in your relational toolbox.  How you conduct yourself and what messages you send to others will determine your opportunities for connection and relationship building.  Here are ways to make other people feel comfortable approaching you.

• Exude personal warmth.  If you genuinely care for and like people, others can tell.
• Appreciate the differences in people.  Know the strengths and weaknesses of different personality types so that you can respect and work with each kind.
• Have a consistent mood.  People will feel comfortable approaching you if they know what to expect.  
• Show sensitivity towards people's feelings.  Adjust how you relate to others based on their moods and feelings.  People are more likely to open up if they feel they are on the same wavelength.
• Understand human weakness and express your own.  Pretending to be perfect alienates others.  When people can admit their own faults, they can readily accept the faults of others.
• Forgive easily and always ask for forgiveness quickly.
• Be authentic.  Be true to yourself and genuine with others.  

Maxwell says to "walk slowly through the crowd"- meaning, when in a group of people, take time to talk, connect, and be sensitive to their feelings, needs, and wants.

The Foxhole Principle
"When preparing for battle, dig a hole big enough for a friend."
A foxhole friend is one who will stick by you through tough times and help you battle through.  It is during these rough times that you find out who your real friends are.  

• Foxhole friends are rare. 
• Foxhole friends provide strength, comfort, and confidence before, during, and after battle.
• Foxhole friends can see your perspective on the situation and show empathy.
• Foxhole friends forever impact your life.
• Foxhole friends love unconditionally.

To have foxhole friends says something about who you are, as does being someone else's foxhole friend!



Previous Posts on Winning with People
Winning With People
Are We Prepared For Relationships?
Are We Willing To Focus On Others?


Posts on other Maxwell books:
The Fear Cycle
Quotes From Failing Forward
Ch 9: Get Over Yourself--Everyone Else Has
The Top Ten Ways People Get in Their Own Way







-Melissa

Boosting Your Business With Sample Sales

This time of year is one of my favorites for business.  My organization releases a new catalog with many new products!  It gives us all a fresh start for the busiest season of the year- fall!  Many of you may be in the same position now!  New consultants or distributors may initially be disheartened by discontinued samples or inventory they possess.  Take heart, these are great for business!  Start planning your sale now!


Name your event.

• Sample Sale
• Hostess/ Customer Appreciation
• Open House
• Christmas in "July" Sale
• Clearance Event

Select a Date
I usually host my event over a two day window such as Friday and Saturday nights from 6-9pm.  I find that you can catch a few people the second day that weren't able to make it the first night.  I also allow customers the opportunity to "shop by appointment" as well.

Location
My event is held in my home.  I set up additional tables and clear out my kids' toys.  If you aren't comfortable with this or don't have the room, host the event at a neighborhood clubhouse, friend's house, or at your church hall.

The Guest List
Invite past hostesses, customers, family, and friends.  Depending on the size of your database and the years you've been in business, you may want to focus on the people you've seen in the past year.  If you use guest surveys, include an option for them to check if they want sample sale information.


Advertise
How you spread the word and how often will be key to your turn out!  I do all of the following in this order!

• Mention dates of sales at all your shows, parties, and events even if it is approximate.  For example, I tell everyone "July and December".  Talk the event up so they look forward to an invite.
• Send out an email, Facebook Event, and/or Evite about 3-4 weeks in advance so guests can mark the date on their calendars.
• Mail out a paper invite  1-2 weeks ahead.  I order postcards from Vistaprint. ( 100 Postcards for just $1.99)
• Send electronic reminders one week out to encourage RSVPs.
• Send a final reminder within 24 hours of the event.
• If I don't have emails or electronic ways to send a final reminder, I will call the those guests and leave a message.

Some Tips on Turn Out

• Reward guests for RSVPing and bringing friends.  I use a ticket system so I offer a ticket for RSVPing and for each friend they bring.  Another idea is to do a special drawing for free product with all the guests who RSVP.
• Advertise your specials well.  I tell how much I have and at what discount.  For example, this year I had over 500 jewelry pieces with half of them marked 50% or 75% off.
• Offer refreshments.  I offer a large selection of yummy food and advertise some of the favorites in my reminders.  Many of my guests come for the food, not just the sales!
• Give-a-ways help a lot.  In the past I've offered a free gift to everyone who came.  I always have a large selection of drawing items.  This year, I used some of my products but also brand name items that people would recognize.  I advertised these items on my postcard invitations and in my reminder.

Setting A Sale Price
Don't be afraid to mark your samples down.  Sitting on items will not earn you money!  I'm able to always buy samples at 50% off but when our new line comes out, I usually earn an additional 30% discount which allows me to sell items later at 75% off with little loss.  Those that sell at 50% off still make me money!  The bigger the bargain, the greater the draw with customers.


Creating New Business
One of the greatest perks of a sale like this is to add new bookings to your calendar.  When ladies come to shop, advertise your specials and display new product lines if you have it available.  Offer a special gift if they set up a show on your calendar.  My sale is held just before the new line comes out so I know what I have to spend on new samples when I go to conference.  When I return, I send each guest a letter thanking them for coming along with a coupon, a new catalog, and any drawing items they may have won.  This year, I told my guests if they contacted me with their top 5 favorites pieces out of the new catalog, I'd double their coupon. I try to encourage them to look through the new collection so they will love it and want to host a show to get it for free!


Additional Sales
If you have customers who live outside your area or some who won't be able to make it, they can still partake.  I mailed catalogs to those who requested them and emailed them a list of my sale items.  They were happy for the savings and I was happy for the additional sales!


My sample sales are always very successful and I look forward to them so much!  I enjoy visiting with all my customers and catching up on what has been going on in their lives.  My method has worked well for me over the last 8 years.  If your first event doesn't go as well as you would like, stick with it.  I've built some loyal attendees over the years and now they tell their friends they can't miss it!

-Melissa


  

Are We Willing to Focus on Others?

Are we willing to focus on others?  That is the "connection" question John Maxwell uses to organize the second section of his book Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time.  The "connection question" is made up of 6 principles which explore ways to focus on others and their needs instead of oneself.  In doing so, you become more desirable to others and build stronger relationships.

The Big Picture Principle:
"The entire population of the world- with one minor exception- is composed of others."
To break self-centered or self-serving behavior, focus on the big picture, which requires three things:

1. Perspective- There are billions of people in this world who will never know you.  Most of them have needs far greater than yours.
2. Maturity- Most people hit a stage in life where they feel unfulfilled and desire for more meaning in their life.  The key to finding meaning is to use your strengths to serve others.
3. Responsibility- Entering a marriage or leadership position will expose ones' maturity and sense of responsibility.  Maxwell says that good leaders: put others first, serve others, take responsibility, are a good example, give others credit, and mend relationships.

The Exchange Principle:
"Instead of putting others in their place.  We must put ourselves in their place."
The two key elements of this principle are perspective and empathy.  Here are ways you can make the exchange:

• See others in a positive light and give them the benefit of the doubt.
• Get to know others by listening to their concerns, studying their culture or job, finding out their interests, visiting their home, or simply just asking questions!
• Work to find the legitimacy in another person's viewpoint and acknowledge their valid point.
• During times of conflict, work to see the similarities in others' viewpoints instead of the differences.  Don't focus on trying to win.

The Learning Principle:

"Each person we meet has the potential to teach us something if we have the right attitude."

• We need many mentors.  It is impossible to learn everything from one person.
• No one is too old, too smart, or too successful to learn something new.
• Be passionate about learning, don't fall into an idle comfort zone, keep stretching yourself.
• See the value in other people.  I recently met a woman with incredible wisdom who could easily be overlooked based on her physical appearance.
• Surround yourself with people who will help you grow.
• Look for people's uniqueness and strengths, then ask questions.
• In order to show growth, there must be a change.

The Charisma Principle:
"People are interested in the person who is interested in them."
A Sanguine is a great example of a charismatic person.  Even if this isn't your temperament, there are 6 things you can do that will attract others.

1. Show a genuine interest in others.
2. Light up your face with a smile and draw people in.
3. Make an effort to remember names and call people by their name.
4. Encourage others to talk about themselves and be a good listener.
5. Build conversations with others based on their interests.
6. Go out of your way to sincerely make other people feel important.

The Number 10 Principle"
"Believing the best in people usually brings out the best of people."
Believe that each person you encounter is a 10.  Here is why:

• All people have potential and can achieve it if they just believe in themselves.
• Believing in others encourages them and brings out the best.
• Everyone wants their life to matter and wants to feel significant.
• When you help or believe in one person, it overflows to others.
• Seeing others in a positive light makes your day more positive.

The Confrontation Principle:
"Caring for people should precede confronting people."
Nobody likes confrontation so most people try avoid it, however it's impossible.  Generally, if conflict isn't dealt with quickly and correctly, it just compounds!

Here is Maxwell's list of unhealthy approaches to handling conflict:

• Win at all costs
• Pretend it doesn't exist
• Whine about it
• Keep score
• Pull rank
• White flag it

Here is Maxwell's 6 step plan to healthy conflict resolution:

1. Only confront someone if you care for the other person.  Keep the other persons interests in mind and try to make the outcome a win-win situation.
2. To resolve a situation, meet together face-to-face as soon as possible.  Avoiding the issues or putting off a situation will just make it worse.  If a personal meeting is absolutely impossible, then use the phone but Maxwell says to never resolve conflict via email.
3. Preconceived notions can cloud your judgement.  Your first goal should be to seek understanding, not necessarily agreement.
4. Outline the issue causing conflict using a positive approach.  Describe your perceptions without making conclusions or statements.  Express clearly how the issue makes you feel without accusations.  Explain why the issue is important to you.
5. Encourage a genuine response and truly listen.  Maxwell says that 50% of the time people don't even realize there is a problem, 30% of the time they knew there was a problem but didn't know how to solve it, and 20% realize there is a problem but don't want to resolve it.
6. Agree on a positive action plan which focuses on change and the future.

The third organizational question Maxwell uses is the "Trust Question:  Can we build mutual trust?"  By following me on Facebook, Twitter, or subscribing to the blog, you'll get notified when I share the five principles from the third question in Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time.  You can check out my first post on this book where I discussed the "readiness question" and it's five principles by clicking on this post:  Are We Prepared For Relationships?

WOW!  Maxwell's book is only $5.51 through Amazon today!  The list price is $14.99, that is a 63% savings.  I highly recommend picking up your own copy of this easy to read book!  Don't forget you can get free two-day shipping if you have an Amazon Prime.  Get a Prime account for free through Amazon mom.  See my post: Amazon Mom for more information.
















-Melissa

Networking Success

Networking events are a great way to make new business relationships.  When I quit teaching years ago to work my direct sales business full time, I attended a weekly networking meeting on Thursday mornings for over a year in my community.  Each week everyone would give their 30 second commercial, we would have a short guest speaker, a sponsored breakfast, and time to chat at the end.  Monthly evening mixers were held at the sponsor's place of business.  If you are new to networking, here are some suggestions for getting the most out of your time.

• You can find meetings in your area on meetup.com, look in your local newspaper, or visit my networking page for networking meetings I have listed in the Tampa Bay area.
• There are a wide range of events that meet through out the day.  Some may host mixers with no formal setting.  Other groups will allow you to attend evening events even if you are not an official member.
• Go prepared with an interesting 30 second commercial that highlights what you do or what you are looking for.  It is best to change up your commercial if you attend regularly.
• Bring business cards to exchange.  Brochures and product samples are also a good idea!
• Don't be a fly on the wall!  Introduce yourself to others and ask about their business to begin a conversation. 
• It is important to continually build on relationships, but be careful not to use the same people each week as your comfort zone!  You want to meet a wide range of people and keep building new relationships.
• Understand, that the intention of networking groups is to build relationships with other professionals.  This can take time, you must earn trust within the group. 
• Committ to attend regularly. 
• You can schedule appointments or one-on-ones with professionals you meet in the group to exchange business information and grow your relationships.
• Find out what you can do to help other professionals.  Often referrals are most important to them.  By doing what you can to help others, generally they will want to help you in return.
• Volunteer to sponsor an event.
• Ask to be a guest speaker at an event.
• Make sure you dress professionally and have a positive attitude.
• Joining groups in other communities where you wish to grow your business is a good move too!

Some of the people I got to know through this particular networking group, I still have relationships with today.  Others, I run into regularly within my community.  The key is in building relationships!

Related Articles:
What Message Does Your Look Convey?
A Lasting Impression


Best Wishes!
-Melissa

Are We Prepared For Relationships?

All of our successes and failures in life can be traced back to relationships with specific individuals.  These relationships create a ripple effect reaching beyond us to others with whom we interact.  This is the basis for John Maxwell's book Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time.  "Are we prepared for relationships?" is the first of five questions outlined in his book.  Here are the five principles Maxwell uses to address our readiness factor when it comes to relationships.


The Lens Principle:  Who We Are Determines How We See Others

• Several people sitting in the same room may all describe a situation differently.  Our perception is influenced by who we are on the inside. 
• It is possible to assess a lot about a person's personality just by watching how they speak and interact with others.
• "We all have a personal frame of reference that consists of our attitudes, assumptions, and expectations concerning ourselves, other people, and life."  These factors determine our personality and "color not only how we see life, but also how we let people treat us."
• "Our thinking and our attitudes are as much a part of us as our talents and abilities.  They also determine what we do."

5 Things That Determine Who We Are

1. Genetics-  We are born with a specific temperament.
2. Self Image- How we see ourselves affects who we surround our self with and how we treat others.
3. Experiences in Life- Our experiences prepare us for how we handle life both positive and negative.
4. Attitude and Choices About Those Experiences-  We control our world with our attitudes and the choices we make.
5. Friends-  The people you spend time with are the ones who shape who you are.

The Mirror Principle:  The First Person We Must Examine is Ourselves

• Having a realistic picture of yourself and liking who you are is critical.
• We often are our own worst enemies and create our own problems. 
• To make a positive change, start by changing yourself.
• "If you do not believe in yourself, you will sabotage relationships."
• "In most situations, I am the problem.  My mentalities, my pictures, my expectations, form the biggest obstacles to my success." -Ralph Stayer.

The Pain Principle:  Hurting People Hurt People and Are Easily Hurt By Them

• One in four Americans is imbalanced.
• When someone lashes out it is more about an internal conflict than the external circumstance.
• "Hurting people overreact, over exaggerate, and overprotect.  They also over influence.  By that, I mean they control the relationship."

Dealing With Hurting People

1. Don't take it personally.
2. Look beyond the person for the problem.
3. Look beyond the situation.
4. Do not add to their hurt.
5. Help them find help.

The Hammer Principle:  Never Use a Hammer to Swat a Fly Off Someone's Head

Respond, don't react! 
Here are some tips on how to avoid overreacting.

1. Total Picture- Slow down, ask questions, and take in the whole picture.
2. Timing- Knowing when to speak or act is more important than what you do or say.
3. Tone- Our tone of voice can change a situation.
4. Temperature-  Overreacting to a problem will generally make it worse.  Responding coolly can help diffuse a problem.

Tips for developing a softer touch:

• Let the past stay in the past.
• Ask yourself, is my reaction part of the problem?
• Remember that actions are remembered long after words are forgotten.
• Never let the situation mean more than the relationship.
• Treat loved ones with unconditional love.
• Admit wrongs and ask for forgiveness.

The Elevator Principle:   We Can Lift People Up or Take People Down in Our Relationships

"You hold the power to make another person's life better or worse by the things you do today."  What kind of person are you?

• Do you add something to life making it more pleasant?
• Do you subtract something from life becoming a burden?
• Do you multiply something in life by intentionally, strategically, and skillfully adding value to others?
• Do you divide something in life by intentionally hurting others to make yourself look or feel better?

These are merely quotes and tidbits taken from each of John Maxwell's points.  Each chapter is really fabulous, I encourage you to read the book!  The next post from Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time will address the connection question:  are we willing to focus on others? 

You can enter your email address in the box in the right column to get email notifications of new posts, or "like" Twice the Work" on Facebook for updates.

-Melissa

Winning With People

John Maxwell is an amazing author!   If you follow my blog, you've seen past posts sharing some of my favorite points from Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success.  Many people shared how much they liked the series of posts. 

The Fear Cycle
Quotes From Failing Forward
Ch 9: Get Over Yourself--Everyone Else Has
The Top Ten Ways People Get in Their Own Way


I'm moving on to another of Maxwell's books called Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time. 

You can pick up your own copy to follow along with me by clicking the Amazon link below.  As an Amazon Mom member, you can get free shipping on the book and have it within 2 days!  (Not sure what I'm talking about, see my post on Amazon Mom for more information!)
















Success in life and business weighs heavily on people skills.  Even those who think they are a people person will learn some ways to build relational success.  Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time is divided into 5 focus areas with several critical principles each.  The chapters are easy enough to read one or two a night and written in Maxwell's powerful style with anecdotes and quotes.

The five critical questions that form the outline of his book are:

1. Are we prepared for relationships?
2. Are we willing to focus on others?
3. Can we build mutual trust?
4. Are we willing to invest in others?
5. Can we create a win-win relationship?

Continuing education is important to the growth of you and your business.  Join me on this book study.  Next week I'll post on the first 5 principles that fall under the readiness question.

-Melissa

Educating Family and Friends

For many people I know in direct sales, their families ask them "are you still doing that ______  thing?"  Fill in the blank with jewelry, bags, food, kitchen gadgets or whatever business it may be.  How odd that some of us who have been in business for many years still have family who don't understand that working for yourself and owning a business is a real job and one that can singlehandedly support a family!  These "little businesses" we run can make a lot of money and be very successful.  It is time we educate.  Our family and friends need to know about what we do and they can be our first line of referrals!

Be sure that you are telling everyone about your business, especially your friends and family.  Take out your cell phone and go down through your list of contacts.  Does each person know about your business and what you have to offer?  Have they supported your business in some way up to this point?  Share information with family and friends at social gatherings when they ask what you are doing or how business is.  Invite them to find out more and use them as referral centers.   You could invite them over for a mini open house to share details about your business.  Once they have the full picture, they will be good referral centers for you and will know how best to support you.  A mini meeting may also help remove any lingering cynicism that some have for the direct sales industry.  When people who love you know what you do, they will generally tell others.  After all, the first thing we usually ask people we haven't seen in a while is questions about their family.

Even if you are an entrepreneur developing your own independent business outside of direct sales you may have come across naysayers.  Sometimes people worry on our behalf about negative statistics or experiences they may have heard.  They may initially try to talk you out of starting a business citing their fears.  You can tell them that your decision is something you considered well and that their support and encouragement would mean a lot.  Work hard and share the results so they see that you can do it!

Your immediate family can be a critical part of your business' success.  Having a supportive spouse is very important.  Schedules, children, and financial responsibilities will be affected.  Women with husbands not on board with their business generally fail to last long.  Educate with your experiences and statistics.  Involve your family in activities surrounding your business to help them appreciate what you are doing.  Show how your business is positively affecting the family, in particular, the finances.

Lastly, when you run into someone you know and they ask you how things are going, don't just say "good".  Say something positive about your business that would lead them to ask additional questions.  Spreading the word starts with you!

-Melissa

Other posts you may like:
Including Children In Our Business
Stats to Impress
2009 Statistics

The Top Ten Ways People Get in Their Own Way

In Chapter 13 of John Maxwell's Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success he discusses "Avoiding the Top Ten Reasons People Fail".  Here are some fabulous quotes and excerpts from this chapter.

"I think that usually things go well or not so well for people based on their actions.  I believe that for the most part you create your own luck by working hard, practicing self-discipline, remaining persistent, and making personal growth a daily priority.  Add to that the blessings of a loving God, and you don't need to think about luck."

"Most of the time the trouble we face is the result of our negative actions.  It's our own fault."

The Top Ten Ways People Get in Their Own Way

1.  Poor People Skills

"A while back the Wall Street Journal printed an article on the reasons that executives fail.  At the top of the list was a person's inability to effectively relate to others."

"Most careers involve other people.  You can have great academic intelligence and still lack social intelligence-the ability to be a good listener, to be sensitive towards others, to give and take criticism well. -Carole Hyatt and Linda Gottlieb"

"Making people skills a strength will take you farther than any other skill you develop."

2. A Negative Attitude

"If your circumstances constantly get you down, then maybe it's time for a change--not in your situation, but in your attitude.  If you can learn to make the best of any situation, you can remove a formidable obstacle that stands between you and your dreams."

3.  A Bad Fit

"Sometimes a case of mismatched abilities, interests, personality, or values can be a major contributor to chronic failure."

4.  Lack of Focus

"Anybody can make an honest mistake when things are hectic.  But people lacking focus have trouble not because they're too busy, but because their priorities are out of whack.  And that wastes their time and resources.  If you go from task to task to task without making progress, or you can't seem to reach a goal no matter how much effort you give it, examine your focus.  No one can move forward without it."

5.  A Weak Commitment

"Johann Wolfgang von Goethe addressed the importance of commitment: 'Until one is committed, there is hesitance, the chance to draw back, and always ineffectiveness... The moment one definitely commits oneself... a whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way."

"Commitment makes you capable of failing forward until you reach your goals."

6.  An Unwillingness to Change

"You don't have to love change to be successful, but you need to be willing to accept it.  Change is a catalyst for personal growth.  It gets you out of a rut, it gives you a fresh start, and it affords you an opportunity to reevaluate your direction.  If you resist change, you're really resisting success.  Learn flexibility, or learn to like living with your failures."

7.  A Shortcut Mind-Set

"Cutting corners is really a sign of impatience and poor self-discipline."

"If you continually give in to your moods or impulses, then you need to change your approach to doing things.  The best method is to set standards for yourself that require accountability.  Suffering a consequence for not following through helps you to stay on track.  Once you have your new standards in place, work according to them, not your moods."

"Truly successful people have learned to do what does not come naturally.  Real success lies in experiencing fear or aversion and acting in spite of it. -Joseph Mancusi"

8.  Relying on Talent Alone

"Adding a strong work ethic to talent is like pouring gasoline on a fire.  It's explosive!"

"The greater your talent, the more likely you are to lean heavily on it and skip the hard day-to-day work of improving it."

9.  A Response to Poor Information

"Successful executives have in common the ability to make weighty decisions based on limited amounts of information.  But they also have in common the ability to gather reliable information to use as they evaluate issues."

10.  No Goals

"A goal is nothing more than a dream with a time limit. - Joe L. Griffith"

"Many people don't have goals because they haven't allowed themselves to dream.  As a result, they don't possess a desire."

"Work on the weakness that weakens you, and there's no telling how far you will go."

Wow!  Powerful stuff!  They should use this book for freshmen college students.  I've shared several ideas and quotes from this book.  If you've missed them click on the post titles below:

The Fear Cycle
Quotes From Failing Forward
Ch 9: Get Over Yourself--Everyone Else Has

My discussions, the quotes, and excerpts are merely glimpses into this amazing book.  You must read it yourself.  It isn't just about business, it will improve all aspects of your life!

-Melissa

Keeping It Personal

Online shopping, emails, Facebook....  we've got the world at our finger tips.  Would you consider quality time with your best friend a quick instant message online or sharing a cup of coffee at Starbucks?  Face-time is so much more meaningful and is far more memorable.  This is critical for establishing business relationships too.  Here are some ways to make your business interactions more personal.

• Mail physical, preferably handwritten, communications- thank yous, reminders
• Use paper invitations for events instead of just Evites
• Send birthday and holiday cards
• Make phone calls instead of sending emails
• Deliver items in person
• Follow up phone calls with customers or clients after purchases or services
• Get to know your customers personally
• Communicate with your downline regularly (direct sales)
• Schedule one-on-one appointments with new contacts

While the ease of the internet can be a great business aid, it can never fully replace the value of face time.  Relationships will not flourish without a personal connection.

What else do you do to keep it personal?  Leave a comment to share your idea.

-Melissa

Finding Vendor Opportunities

There are a large number of events that invite vendors to come and promote their products and services year round.  These opportunities are a great way to introduce your business and grow your customer base. 

Here are types of events to look for:

• Children's Expos
• Home and Garden Expos
• Bridal Expos
• Health and Wellness Expos
• Church Bazaars or Fairs
• School Carnivals
• Craft Fairs
• Art Festivals
• Farmers Markets
• State or County Fairs
• Holiday Markets
• Fashion Shows
• Fundraisers

Where can you find events?

• newspapers- especially the small neighborhood papers
• school newsletters
• churches
• chamber of commerce sites
• Non-profit groups
• networking groups
• tv commercials
• road signs
• local social sites like  tbo.com
• TNT Events Inc
• Festival Network Online
• Howard Alan Events & American Craft Endeavors
• my blog's vendor opportunities page

The vendor or booth fee can vary from nothing to thousands of dollars depending on the venue and advertising.  In addition to the fee, product or service donations may be requested.  If you need a table, tent, or electricity, you may incur additional costs.  Some fundraising events may ask for a percentage of all your sales.  It is important to remember that you need to spend money to make money.  Just be sure that you can reasonably recoup your costs in product sold or leads gained.

Events should only accept one representative from each direct sales company but will take multiple companies within the same industry.  For example, they would take multiple jewelry vendors but only one representative each from Premier Designs, Cookie Lee, Lia Sophia, Silpada, etc... This would be an important question to ask when registering.

Many events are held annually.  Keep the event information on file and plan to contact the coordinator prior to the event next year.  Some organizations will contact previous vendors and give them the initial opportunity but not all.

My vendor opportunities page is a compilation of the events I find or those that readers send to me.  Please keep me up-to-date on events you are planning or participating in.  Sharing information will provide a variety of vendors at the event, increase advertisement, and support fellow businesses.  The success of all businesses helps the economy and we all know that small business plays a huge role!  You can email me new listings at twicethework@gmail.com or leave a comment on the vendor page.

-Melissa

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The Fear Cycle

As mentioned in a previous post, I began reading John Maxwell's book Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success as part of my "continuing education".

One of my favorite topics thus far is the "Fear Cycle" he discusses in chapter 4.  The cycle begins when a fear of failure develops due to a previous negative experience. 

"The fear creates inaction.  Because the person doesn't act, he doesn't gain personal experience in that situation--which is key to learning and overcoming future obstacles.  The lack of experience breeds an inability to handle similar situations.  And that ultimately feeds and increases the fear.  The longer the fear remains unchecked, the harder a person has to work to break the cycle." (p.39)

Maxwell discusses that the inaction which occurs when people are stuck in the fear cycle can take on these most common forms:

• paralysis
• procrastination
• purposelessness

Other negative side effects of the fear cycle include:  self-pity, excuses, misused energy, and hopelessness.

Here is what John Maxwell says about breaking the cycle:

"People who want to get out of the fear cycle often spend time feeling guilty for their inability to change.  But one of the reasons they are stuck in the fear cycle is that they focus their energy on the wrong part of the cycle.  Since they know that fear got the cycle going, they believe that they have to eliminate the fear to break the cycle.  Yet most people are unable to do that.  You can't avoid fear.  No magic potion will take it away.  And you can't wait for motivation to get you going.  To conquer fear, you have to feel the fear and take action anyway." (p.40-41)

No one is without fear and it can strike any aspect of your life.  When your business is a "one man show," fears can create a lot of damage and hold your business back if allowed.  I have seen it in myself and in others.  A fear can keep you from achieving dreams, finding success, and reaching your potential.  It all comes down to your determination to act inspite of the fear.  It is a mind game!  You need to change the recording in your head to positive, encouraging thoughts and keep your own thoughts from discouraging you.

With so many powerful points, I am loving this book!  If you haven't read anything in a while or you need to pick yourself out of a rut, I highly recommend this book.

Inspirational quotes have always encouraged me and John Maxwell uses many in each chapter to emphasize his points.  I'll be sharing some with you later this week.

-Melissa

Questions for Consideration

Are you or a friend considering direct sales?  When looking for a direct sales company to join, do your homework and ask a lot of questions.  Don't be afraid to compare opportunities, not all companies are created equal.

Or, perhaps you are already in direct sales.  Learning the answers to these important questions could make the difference in growing your team.  Having this information ready when meeting with a prospect will convey professionalism, intelligence, and dependability.  Knowing the value of your company will give you additional faith and enthusiasm for your business.


Questions for Consideration:


Company

• How many years has the company been in business?  Everyone has to start somewhere but experience gives companies the time to work out the kinks, increasing organization, service, and support.
• How many independent distributors or consultants do they have? The amount could indicate a wide-open or over saturated market.
• Are they members of the DSA (Direct Selling Association)?  The DSA holds companies to a high code of ethics and works to protect the individual distributors.

Product

• Will the product appeal to a broad market?
• Is the price point affordable for the majority of the population?
• Ask about the quality and manufacturing of items.
• Are you required to keep inventory?
• What is the return or defect rate?
• Is there a warranty?  Who handles returns?  Are there fees involved?
• Are you able to purchase products at a discount?  How much and how often?
• How often does the company release new products and catalogs?  Rotating product keeps customers coming back but having to change your samples or inventory too often can be expensive.
• Are there customer specials?  These can increase your retail and rekindle a business.  Too many customer discounts can hurt your bottom line since customers may have less incentive to host a party or won't buy without a special.
• Who delivers the product?

Investment

• What is the initial investment to represent the company?  What supplies, services, and products are included? Is the value for what you are getting worth more than the investment?  You need to spend money to make money but it should be realistic!  Beware of "buyers clubs" -very low initial start up and pushing people to get in for the discount.  This isn't good for your business as it can over saturate the market and keep people from wanting to buy at regular price. 
• Ask about additional costs: websites, shipping costs, business supplies, etc...

Earnings

• What is the company's average home party?
• What percentage will you earn off the product you sell?  It usually varies from 15-50%.  Does it change based on sales, experience, or growth within your team?
• Are there minimum sales requirements or quotas? 
• Do you make a commission off people you bring into the business?  How does their commission system work?
• How and when are you paid?  Some companies allow you to keep your earnings immediately, others mail you a check.
• Are there opportunities to earn free product, trips, or other incentives?  Ask about program requirements.  Are they realistic?

Hostess Benefits

• What will a hostess earn when they host a party or show?  Generally you will find a percentage of free product is given.  There may also be host specials, bonuses, or discounted merchandise opportunities.  Hostess benefits are a major incentive for booking a party or show. 
• Who pays for free merchandise- the consultant or the corporation? 
• Is there a minimum sales requirement for the hostess benefits to be afforded?
• Do the benefits change based on the type of party?

Training

• How do you get your business started?
• What kind of training and support will you receive when beginning your business and then further down the road? Local events, conferences, online, DVDs, audio trainings, etc...?

Direct sales companies are a fabulous way to begin an at-home-business.  For many years direct sales had a bad reputation and sometimes family and friends will try to talk you out of joining a company.  Decide what your needs are and establish your goals, then identify whether the company you are looking at will meet those.  Ask questions until you have all the information to make a clear decision. 

The lives of many women and their families have been forever changed by their business, yours can too!

-Melissa

Building Your Business During Daily Activities

Making new contacts and word-of-mouth advertising are critical for small businesses.  Meeting someone in person and establishing a relationship is a big step in gaining trust.  Your current daily activities will build your business if you take advantage of the opportunities.

Here is a list of places you may frequent to get you thinking.

• Bank
• Stores, Malls
• Schools
• Jobs
• Doctors, Dentists
• Services- Salons, Spas
• Church, bible study
• Mom's groups, playgroups, story time
• Parks, play grounds, kid play areas
• Restaurants
• Sporting Events
• Libraries

Make a conscious decision to identify people you can begin a conversation with.  To make yourself more comfortable, plan ahead for these opportunities.

• Create a 30 second commercial and decide what you will tell people about your business.
• Brainstorm a list of general questions that you can prepare to ask people you meet.  You can compliment someone, ask a question, or comment on what is going on around you.
• Keep literature pertaining to your business in your bag or car so you have something to offer people.  This could include: fliers, brochures, business cards, samples, catalogs, coupons, etc...
• Plan your errands and activities for when you can spend time talking to people, unrushed, making them a business building opportunity.
• Be a name collector.  Have a notebook and pen handy to gather people's contact information.  This is critical.  People will rarely call you!  Tell them when you plan to follow up with them.

You may see people regularly when attending activities with your kids or frequenting certain places and never mention your business!  Or, sometimes a stranger will approach you first, maybe with a comment or a compliment; you utter a quick response and walk off.  If someone starts a conversation with you, steer it towards your business. 

Talking to people with intention may be outside your comfort zone.  While that can be an issue for me, I have another dilemma.  People confront me regularly acknowledging my twins.  Repetitive questions or really stupid/rude questions are common and frustrating.  I find myself avoiding eye contact just to get in and out of the store without a big commotion.  Sometimes my solution is to make late night quick trips looking less than stellar.  I'm missing out on so many opportunities! 

You may give yourself a number of excuses to pass by opportunities: you are in a hurry, embarrassed about your appearance, in a bad mood, too scared, or your family is with you.  Decide before you leave the house to make at least one new contact that day.  Be prepared with your polished look, a 30 second commercial, prepared questions, and something to give your contact.  You'll feel ready to go and less nervous.  Find someone and start talking!

-Melissa

Working With Your Spouse?

There are several successful couples that come to mind when I think of spouses who work together.  Someone I know from high school posted a cute article (The Truth About Being Married at Work) on her site this morning that got me thinking...

My ultimate long-term goal for business has been to grow to a point where my husband, Jason, could leave his job.  His employer requires him to work late hours, Monday through Saturday, 60+ hours a week.  I'm sure some of you can relate to husbands with jobs that keep him from spending time with family.  Doesn't this remind you that working for yourself and setting your own hours is fabulous?!

Jason and I (2005)

Jason took two days off in early January to spend time with our boys while I attended a conference.  I was thrilled that he would get a firsthand look at how challenging my day is and how difficult it can be to accomplish much with two busy one-year-olds.  He promptly asked me at the end of his two day reign if I'd prefer to go back to teaching rather than stay at home with the boys!  Well, that wasn't the point of this little experiment but I did accomplish my goal of getting his attention!

I'm not sure that Jason would be happy to be home all the time.  I know several parents who don't feel that being at home full time is right for them.  But we'd get to spend more time as a family if he were to work-at-home with me.  He wouldn't miss out on so many special moments.  Having his business background, full time, would also be valuable for my business.  Being together 24/7 and working together would definitely require some adjustments.

All you happy co-working couples out there, I want to hear from you!  Tell me why you LOVE working with your spouse.  What were some aspects of your business, household, and/or marriage that needed tweaking to make it an effective arrangement?

And the rest of you, how would you feel about working with your spouse?

-Melissa