Reaching People Through Their Love Language

According to author, Gary Chapman, everyone has a love language- meaning a method of communicating or receiving love which makes them feel most loved.  While his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, is written towards your relationship with a spouse, you can easily attribute the same information towards your children, coworkers, team members, customers, etc...  A key to life and business is building relationships with others.  Treating someone the way they wish to be treated is the proverbial way to build a relationship.  Assessing those you know professionally and personally can give you greater understanding as to how to show love and make them feel good!

The Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

Below are the notes I took on the qualities and characteristics each love language when I read the book.  Ways to express love to someone with that particular language are included.  Each chapter of the book uses anecdotes to highlight the qualities and how you can best show love to a person with each particular love language.  Chapman also lists additional ideas and tasks at the end of each chapter.

Words of Affirmation
People with this love language feel most loved through oral and written words or language.  They love to be acknowledged for what they do and who they are.  Here are ways you can show love to them.

• Verbal Compliments 
• A greater motivator than nagging words.
• Encouraging Words
• Encourage untapped potential.
• Encouragement requires empathy.
• Opposite of critical or condemning words.
• Kind Words
• People often interpret our tone more than our words.
• The opposite of judgmental.
• Love doesn't keep a score of wrongs or bring up past failures.
• "A soft answer turns away anger."
• Forgiveness is an expression of love.
• Humble Words
• Love makes requests, not demands.

Quality Time
A person with this love language feels most loved when you are fully present and focused on a conversation or activity together.  Here are some tips in providing this type of person with great quality time.

• Undivided Attention
• Turn the tv off and minimize any other distractions.
• Togetherness
• Full, focused attention versus living in close proximity.
• Quality Conversations
• Share experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires.
• Listen sympathetically and ask questions to understand thoughts, feelings and desires.
1. Maintain eye contact
2. Undivided attention
3. Listen for feelings
4. Observe body language
5. Refuse to interrupt (The average person listens for 17 seconds before interrupting or interjecting.)
• Learn to Talk
• Self-revelation is the expression of emotions, thoughts, and desires.
• Personality Types
• Dead Sea:  receives expression from others but does not give outward expression.
• Babbling Brook:  shares everything and doesn't stop talking.
• Quality Activities
• Doing something together that at least one person wants to do and the other is willing to do in order to express love.

Receiving Gifts
A person with this love language feels most loved when people offer a gift great or small.  Here are some details about gifts.

• Gifts are visual symbols of love.
• Gifts and Money
• They don't need to be expensive, the thought does count!
• If cost, is an issue- change your attitude about money.  Giving gifts to a loved one is an investment.  You are purchasing self-worth and emotional security.
• The Gift of Self (Presence) counts!

Acts of Service
A person with this love language feels most loved when people do things to help them.  Assisting them with a need or taking a task off their plate will make them the happiest.  Here are some things to keep in my about acts of service.

• Offer assistance, complete a chore, DO something kind- without being asked.
• Complete chores or tasks with a positive spirit to express love.
• A request can give direction as to how someone wants to be loved but a demand stops the flow of love.
• Love is a choice and cannot be coerced.

Physical Touch
A person with this love language feels most loved when they are being touched.  Here are some things you should know about physical touch.

• As simple as a handshake, a touch on the arm, holding hands, putting your arm around someone, or embracing.
• Critical for healthy emotional development in children.
• Touch communicates hate or love and can make or break a relationship.
• Explicit touch takes more time (a long embrace) and implicit touch is brief (a quick pat on the back).

Discovering Your Love Language

The answers to these questions could help determine which love language you are or you can use them to help determine the languages of others.

• What do people do or fail to do that hurts you the most?
• What do you most often request of others?
• In what way do you regularly express your love to others?
• What would be your ideal spouse?

Click on the link below to go to The 5 Love Languages website and take the online quiz there!

People have a few basic needs: love, security, self-worth, and significance.  If we do not feel loved, our differences are magnified and we will fight to have our needs met.  Others are viewed as a threat to our personal happiness.  People who do not feel loved experience great pain and emptiness which impacts all areas of their life and how they deal with it.



Here are a few of Gary Chapman's books in regards to the Love Languages.

Intentionally love someone today!
-Melissa

Just Between Friends

Yesterday, I told the cashier at Babies R Us that kids are only expensive because we constantly buy things to contain them or their mess!  Times two, of course, at our house and times three or four or more at others!  Much of our gear shows little wear because we move from stage to stage so quickly.  Buying used items saves a bundle and selling our old ones makes money!

Today I finally got my first visit to Just Between Friends Tampa North which I've been hearing about for two years now!  Just Between Friends (JBF) is a giant consignment sale held twice a year for maternity and children's items.  The sale is run by volunteers and merchandise is stocked by community members.  Here in Tampa, it is held in the spring and fall but sales are held all over the country throughout the year.  Click here to  find a location close to you.

To make some money off items collecting dust in your garage and clear space, sign up to be a consignor.  JBF has a special online tagging system that allows you to create an account, make and print tags for your items, and track what is sold.  You can earn up to 70% of your sales versus much smaller percentages at traditional consignment stores.  Click here for additional consignor information.

To pick up items for you and your kiddos, early attendance is key for best selection.  You will find a large selection of toys and clothing.  You will also find strollers, highchairs, larger play equipment, books, bathing, feeding, and potty training items.  Items are inspected for functionality and cleanliness.  You can see the deals many shoppers have already scored by viewing their comments on Facebook.  (Click here.)

Volunteers shop first on Wednesday, then consignors, followed by first time moms who register in advance, and military families.  Thursday and Friday are open to the public.  $2 admission is charged but fliers for free entry are available in local magazines.  Saturday is half price day where many items are marked 50% off and admission is free!

To see an article and news footage from the spring 2011 event click here.  Tampa's ABC Action news was onsite today while I was there and featured a story on today's evening news.  The Tampa North event information is as follows:

Location-
The Tampa Bay Baptist Conference Center
15601 Lake Magdalene Blvd., Tampa, FL 33613

Dates & Times-
Thursday 9am -7pm
Friday 9am - 5pm
Saturday 8am - 2pm

The JBF Lakeland event will be held October 21-23, 2011at the Lakeland Center and the next Tampa North event will be held again March 8-10, 2012.

If you'd like to consign at future events, you can sign up and beginning tagging your items now.  Perhaps as you clean out closets for next season, wash and tag each item before boxing so you have less to do last minute!

We all work hard to support our families!  I hope this bit of information makes you money or saves you money.  Be sure to pass the info on to your girlfriends too!

-Melissa

Travel With Your Business

With us living in the Tampa area and all my family in New England, we don't get to see them as often as we'd like.  However, my business makes the few trips I take each year affordable!  Taking your business on the road has two huge benefits:  tax write offs and expanding your customer base or downline!

Do you have friends and family out of your immediate area?  I'm sure you do!  These days people are always on the move.  High school friends, old roommates, extended family?  Book a trip, pack your business and your family then head out!  Or make it a girls weekend and go alone! 

Expand your business to other parts of your state or the country.  Plan parties, shows, events, and informational sessions to share what you are doing.  Ask whomever you are visiting to watch for events going on in the area.  You could register for expos while in town.  When travelling for business, you may be able to write off mileage, air fare, hotels, rental cars, and some meals.  Consult with your accountant to make sure all your receipts qualify.

My two boys are now 19 months and just took their 5th flight north.  Last year the boys flew to New Hampshire 4 times between the ages of 3 months and 12 months.  Two of the trips, I even took the two babies by myself!  Some trips we celebrated baptisms and first birthdays but any excuse for my boys to see my parents and our extended family works for me!  During this most recent trip, we attended a family wedding.  How awesome that my business allows me the opportunity to be with my family during these occasions! 

While there, I book a few home shows, attend area trainings or events, meet with my downline, or talk to ladies about the opportunity my business offers.  Since I'm working, I'm able to write off my airfare.  Finding supervision for my boys while I work is much easier too since I have family eager to spend time with them!

There are many advantages to owning your own business... controlling your own schedule, the ability to take it with you, and yes, tax write offs!  Check your list of contacts, or maybe your Facebook friends, and plan a "business trip"!

-Melissa

Other posts you may like:

Business Write-Offs
Including Children In Our Business
Educating Family and Friends

Dinner Done

Schedules are crazy for everyone regardless of your family dynamics.  Fitting in time to cook a decent dinner can be very difficult.  I enjoy cooking but rarely find the time to do it.  These days we've relied on Dinner Done to get a decent meal on the table.  If you've never heard about it, trust me, you are missing something amazing.  Here is what you really need to know.

What is it?

Dinner Done is a kitchen where you go to prepare meals free of preservatives to put in your freezer.  Each month a new selection of menu choices becomes available.  There are usually a few new ones along with some repeat favorites.  When you go to the kitchen to prepare your meals, the recipe sits before you at a food prep station along with all the ingredients chopped and prepared.  You follow directions to assemble each meal splitting it into serving sizes that meet your needs.  All meats are perfectly proportioned, trimmed, and chopped as necessary for the recipe.  Vegetables like onions, tomatoes, and peppers are already pre-chopped.  Each ingredient has a spoodle in it that measures out the correct amount of what you need to make it quick and easy.  Because you assemble your own meals you can easily modify your dishes, excluding ingredients you don't like.  Most meals are placed in aluminum pans so you can cook them directly from the freezer, others can be made in a crock pot.  You wrap the pans in plastic and affix a label with cooking directions.  Most of the meals are main courses only, some come with pasta or rice and a few with vegetables.  Appetizers and side dishes are already prepared and frozen for you to purchase and take home if you desire.


Cost
Each meal has 4-6 servings depending on appetite and the more meals you purchase the less they are individually.  Save even more utilizing the Super Chef program where you earn a $30 gift card when you attend 3 Dinner Done kitchen sessions in a 16 week period.  If you want a variety of meals but don't have a lot of freezer space, you can also split a session with a friend.
Click here for specific costs.

Many of you are into couponing and are really pinching your pennies.  You know, based on some past posts, I'm very frugal.  (Ok, so a few friends would laugh and say I'm just cheap!)  Let me tell you a few things about why I still choose to go to Dinner done each month.

• The dinners cost us less individually than ordering take out or dining out. 
• Dinner Done meals are healthier than most fast food or restaurant food.
• We have fewer leftovers which means less waste since they often sit and rot in our refrigerator.
• I would consider many of their recipes gourmet, requiring ingredients I don't use regularly.  To purchase an entire container of something, only to use a small amount means the remainder would go to waste.
• I spend far less time deciding what to have for dinner.
• My time is very valuable these days and can be much better spent doing something other than preparing food all the time.  The "witching hour" for my kids is during dinner time which further complicates spending much time in the kitchen.
• Frozen dinners can be placed in the oven and you can schedule the oven to cook it for you. 
• Most meals just need a vegetable, baked potato, or side salad.  Many of my friends buy the steam bag vegetables for the microwave or the pre-cut and pre-washed bags of lettuce.
• I love the Super Chef program, see below!

Dinner Done Goes Above and Beyond

• Private parties- select a time and date, round up 8 or more participants, you all get a free dessert and the kitchen is open exclusively to your group.
• In store shopping-  You can stop by any of their locations to purchase ready made meals out of their freezer.
• Get it to Go!-  Dinner Done can prepare your meals for you and all you have to do is pick them up.
• Get it Prepared and Delivered to your door.  Schedule a delivery if you live within a 15 mile radius of one of their stores.  See their calendar for free delivery days too!
• Stork Sessions- Dinner Done will prepare meals for you when you have a new baby and won't charge you the extra fee for them to prep the food.
• Helping Hands Session-  Similar to the stork session, Dinner Done preps the food for you and only charges the in-kitchen rate when you are undergoing chemotherapy, recovering from surgery, or after the loss of an immediate family member.
• Snacks, wine, and sodas are available while you prepare your foods.
• During the holidays, they offer specials like:  "Everything but the turkey", Valentine's Gourmet Meals, dessert samplers, appetizer samplers, etc...
• Bring A Friend Days-  During this special, if you bring a friend who has never been, you each earn a $10 gift card towards your next visit.
• NEW- Instate shipping of meals here in Florida!  Click here for more information. 

Locations

• Tampa, FL  (Carrollwood)
• Brandon, FL 
• Centreville, VA

The Carrollwood kitchen is where I have made my meals for two years since a friend introduced me to the concept.  Usually I go once a month as part of a private party but I have attended open sessions as well.  Ana and Heather work the night shift at the Carrollwood location and are fabulous to work with, always taking great care of us. 

If you are not close enough to utilize any of their locations, try searching for a similar concept in your area by using "dinner preparation stores" in Google or Bing. 

Be sure to tell Dinner Done that Melissa from "Twice The Work" sent you if you decide to check them out!  Trust me, you will be in love!
-Melissa

Educating Family and Friends

For many people I know in direct sales, their families ask them "are you still doing that ______  thing?"  Fill in the blank with jewelry, bags, food, kitchen gadgets or whatever business it may be.  How odd that some of us who have been in business for many years still have family who don't understand that working for yourself and owning a business is a real job and one that can singlehandedly support a family!  These "little businesses" we run can make a lot of money and be very successful.  It is time we educate.  Our family and friends need to know about what we do and they can be our first line of referrals!

Be sure that you are telling everyone about your business, especially your friends and family.  Take out your cell phone and go down through your list of contacts.  Does each person know about your business and what you have to offer?  Have they supported your business in some way up to this point?  Share information with family and friends at social gatherings when they ask what you are doing or how business is.  Invite them to find out more and use them as referral centers.   You could invite them over for a mini open house to share details about your business.  Once they have the full picture, they will be good referral centers for you and will know how best to support you.  A mini meeting may also help remove any lingering cynicism that some have for the direct sales industry.  When people who love you know what you do, they will generally tell others.  After all, the first thing we usually ask people we haven't seen in a while is questions about their family.

Even if you are an entrepreneur developing your own independent business outside of direct sales you may have come across naysayers.  Sometimes people worry on our behalf about negative statistics or experiences they may have heard.  They may initially try to talk you out of starting a business citing their fears.  You can tell them that your decision is something you considered well and that their support and encouragement would mean a lot.  Work hard and share the results so they see that you can do it!

Your immediate family can be a critical part of your business' success.  Having a supportive spouse is very important.  Schedules, children, and financial responsibilities will be affected.  Women with husbands not on board with their business generally fail to last long.  Educate with your experiences and statistics.  Involve your family in activities surrounding your business to help them appreciate what you are doing.  Show how your business is positively affecting the family, in particular, the finances.

Lastly, when you run into someone you know and they ask you how things are going, don't just say "good".  Say something positive about your business that would lead them to ask additional questions.  Spreading the word starts with you!

-Melissa

Other posts you may like:
Including Children In Our Business
Stats to Impress
2009 Statistics

Working With Your Spouse?

There are several successful couples that come to mind when I think of spouses who work together.  Someone I know from high school posted a cute article (The Truth About Being Married at Work) on her site this morning that got me thinking...

My ultimate long-term goal for business has been to grow to a point where my husband, Jason, could leave his job.  His employer requires him to work late hours, Monday through Saturday, 60+ hours a week.  I'm sure some of you can relate to husbands with jobs that keep him from spending time with family.  Doesn't this remind you that working for yourself and setting your own hours is fabulous?!

Jason and I (2005)

Jason took two days off in early January to spend time with our boys while I attended a conference.  I was thrilled that he would get a firsthand look at how challenging my day is and how difficult it can be to accomplish much with two busy one-year-olds.  He promptly asked me at the end of his two day reign if I'd prefer to go back to teaching rather than stay at home with the boys!  Well, that wasn't the point of this little experiment but I did accomplish my goal of getting his attention!

I'm not sure that Jason would be happy to be home all the time.  I know several parents who don't feel that being at home full time is right for them.  But we'd get to spend more time as a family if he were to work-at-home with me.  He wouldn't miss out on so many special moments.  Having his business background, full time, would also be valuable for my business.  Being together 24/7 and working together would definitely require some adjustments.

All you happy co-working couples out there, I want to hear from you!  Tell me why you LOVE working with your spouse.  What were some aspects of your business, household, and/or marriage that needed tweaking to make it an effective arrangement?

And the rest of you, how would you feel about working with your spouse?

-Melissa

Including Children In Our Business

Involving our children in our business teaches responsibility, dedication, hard work, and the entreprenerial spirit!   Here are some tasks children can do to help.

• Prepare order forms or catalogs by stamping or applying stickers.
• Organize a mailer by applying labels or stamps and licking envelopes.  Maybe they simply put everything in the mailbox for you!
• Load materials into boxes and carts or bring them to your car to prepare for an event.  They can help unload too!
• Stuff hostess or customer folders.
• File papers.

Older children can:

• Enter information into the computer (customer information, orders, receipts, mileage).
• Run errands to pick up office supplies or go to the post office.
• Make customer service calls to inform of delivery status, check on product satisfaction, or to notify about a sale or special.
• Design and print invitations for parties and events.
• Wash or clean display products or display items.
• Be an assistant at home parties or vendor events.  They can help set up your display, pass out materials, answer questions, and take orders.

Children seem to have a way of really pushing our buttons when we are focused on something else, particularly in a time crunch.  One of the best ways to redirect their behavior is to include them in what we are doing.   Assign them a task as needed or create a regular work schedule. 

Do you have little ones that are sad when you have to work, whether it is at home or out for parties, shows, or appointments?  You can make working a positive learning experience by using a reward system.  Pick a specific goal or prize, like a video game or a trip to the movies.  Use a chart or picture divided into sections to track each time you complete a targeted activity associated with work.  This can be time in your office making calls or each time you hold a home party.  You may want to choose an activity that you have a hard time completing with your children around.  Let the child put a sticker on the chart or color in a section of the picture when you successfully complete the activity.  When the chart or picture is complete, the child gets the reward. 

This system creates accountabilty for you and shows the correlation between work and reward for your child.  It gives small children something to be happy about when your attention is on work and not them.  You could also use this to reward positive behavior if the children are good while you complete a task.  I've heard moms say that their children have asked them when they are going to do more home parties so they can fill in their charts to earn their reward.  With older kids, you could make a chart with money earned towards the goal to create a math lesson!

I found an interesting article by Jean Murray entitled "Hire Your Children to Work in Your Small Business - and Save on Taxes."  Check out her article for more information.  If you decide to pay your children for helping you, there are many additional lessons to be learned about earning a paycheck and responsible saving!

 I'd love to hear how your family is involved in your business so I can add them to the list!

~Melissa