The Art of Getting Along

    Sooner or later, a man, if he is wise, discovers that life is a mixture of good days and bad, victory and defeat, give and take.  He learns that it doesn't pay to be a too-sensitive soul, that he should let some things go over his head like water off a duck's back.  He learns that he who loses his temper usually loses out, that all men have burnt toast for breakfast now and then, and that he shouldn't take the other fellow's grouch too seriously.

    He learns that carrying a chip on his shoulder is the easiest way to get into trouble, that the quickest way to become unpopular is to carry tales of gossip about others, that buck-passing always turns out to be a boomerang, that it doesn't matter so much who gets the credit so long as the job gets done.

    He learns that most others are as ambitious as he is, that they have brains as good or better, that hard work, not cleverness, is the secret to success.  He learns that no man ever gets to first base alone, and that it is only through cooperative effort that we move on to better things.

    He realizes (in short) that the "art of getting along" depends about 98 percent on his own behavior toward others.

Alberta Civil Service Association News

Taken from John Maxwell's Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time.  (The Approachability Principle)

 

The Help

My husband and I seldom watch movies.  So our recent movie date was a rarity, much needed and much enjoyed!  I picked The Help based on the storyline, the reviews, and the acclaim the book had received.  We were not disappointed!

Here is a synopsis of the movie in case you haven't seen it yet as taken from the official movie site.

Based on one of the most talked about books in years and a #1 New York Times best-selling phenomenon,  “The Help” stars Emma Stone (“Easy A”) as Skeeter, Academy Award®–nominated Viola Davis (“Doubt”) as Aibileen and Octavia Spencer as Minny—three very different, extraordinary women in Mississippi during the 1960s,  who build an unlikely friendship around a secret writing project that breaks societal rules and puts them all at risk. From their improbable alliance a remarkable sisterhood emerges, instilling all of them with the courage to transcend the lines that define them, and the realization that sometimes those lines are made to be crossed —even if it means bringing everyone in town face-to-face with the changing times.
Deeply moving, filled with poignancy, humor and hope, “The Help” is a timeless and universal story about the ability to create change.

Click here to view the movie trailer.

The Help was released on August 10, 2011 and was #2 at the box office that weekend followed by three weekends in the #1 position as the the weekends' top grossing movie.

The primary theme of the film is racial discrimination but there are many undercurrent themes.   I love a movie that really makes me think.  You can relate the themes in The Help to your personal and professional life.  Here are a few additional themes that developed a lot of questions for me!

• Interpersonal skills.  How do I speak to and respect others?  It made me think of all the things I've been reading about in John Maxwell's Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time.  Do I build up the self-esteem of others?   I love how the main character tells a small girl repeatedly "You is smart, you is kind, you is important."
• Parenting skills. What kind of relationship do I have with my children?  Who has the greatest influence on my kids?  How well do I know my children and meet their needs?
• Societal and Personal Values.  What values does our society find acceptable?  How do I feel about it?  Do I do the right thing regardless of what everyone else is doing?  Do I have it in me to fight for something I strongly believe in, even if the risk is high?  Am I strong enough to encourage others to do what is right?

This film will make you evaluate yourself on multiple levels!  It would be a great film to use in team building or training.  If you haven't seen it yet, you need to!

-Melissa


You can find the New York Times Bestseller on Amazon.

Which Are You?

Which Are You?

There are two kinds of people on earth today;
Just two kinds of people, no more, I say.

Not the sinner and saint, for it's well understood,
The good are half bad, and the bad are half good.

Not the rich and the poor, for to rate a man's wealth,
You must first know the state of his conscience and health.

Not the humble and proud, for in life's little span,
Who puts on vain airs, is not counted a man.

Not the happy and sad, for the swift flying years
Bring each man his laughter and each man his tears.

No; the two kinds of people on earth I mean,
Are the people who lift, and the people who lean.

Wherever you go, you will find the earth's masses,
Are always divided in just these two classes.

And oddly enough, you will find too, I ween,
There's only one lifter to twenty who lean.

In which class are you? Are you easing the load,
Of overtaxed lifters, who toil down the road?

Or are you a leaner, who lets others share
Your portion of labor, and worry and care?

Ella Wheeler Wilcox
From:  Custer and Other Poems, 1896

CH9: Get Over Yourself--Everyone Else Has

Wow! I am loving this John Maxwell book Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success.  The overall concepts are great but all the little quotes and stories tucked inside the big ideas are so meaningful in themselves.  The main idea of chapter nine is that in order to continue to fail forward, we must get over ourselves by turning our focus from us to others.  There were some really powerful points captured here that I want to share.

"Many people who struggle with chronic failure do so because they think of no one but themselves.  They worry about what other people think of them.  They scramble to make sure no one gets the better of them.  They continually focus on protecting their turf."

John Maxwell's Tips:

Stop Focusing On Yourself
Negative thinking and a general poor mental health can be caused by self-absorption.  Dwelling on yourself and your own problems hurts others as well as yourself.  Feeling like your life is lacking something can be overcome by developing a giving spirit.  In helping others you are less likely to focus on yourself.

Stop Taking Yourself Too Seriously
Maxwell says that most people walk around with a "doom and gloom attitude."  "Recognize that laughter breeds resilience."

Start Putting the Team First
We all function as a part of many "teams" within our families, friendships, communities, churches, and businesses.  The dynamics won't work if individuals compete with each other.  We must take turns stepping back to lift up others in order to reach a goal.  Maxwell tells a story of a basketball team built of phenomenal players who were beat by a less talented team.  Instead of working together, several teammates tried to make big moves all on their own.

Start Adding Value to Others Continually
Maxwell asks you to think about whether the lives of the people you know are better or worse because of you.

1. Put others first in your thinking.  Our heart controls our thinking and our thinking controls our actions.  Our actions paint a picture of our values for others.
2. Find out what others need.  God gave us two ears and one mouth, listen more and talk less.  Ask others what matters to them and find out by observing how they spend their time and money.
3. Meet those needs with excellence and generosity.  "Be more concerned with what you can give rather than what you can get because giving truly is the highest level of living."

"No enterprise can exist for itself alone.  It ministers to some great need, it performs some great service, not for itself, but for others; or failing therein it ceases to be profitable and ceases to exist." 

-Calvin Coolidge

There isn't much here that we haven't heard before probably.  But when it all comes together, it makes you evaluate where your own head is at.  One of my first posts that went up this year was called Climbing Out of a Rut.  It is the second most read post of all time.  Maxwell might suggest I include "get over yourself" as a bullet in that post.

Reading this chapter has me pumped for another of John Maxwell's books waiting on my shelf, Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time.

Continue your own education.  Pick up a book.

-Melissa

Related Articles:
Quotes From Failing Forward
The Fear Cycle

Quotes from Failing Forward

I promised to share some of my favorite quotes from John Maxwell's  Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success. 

"Failure is an inside job.  So is success.  If you want to achieve, you have to win the war in your thinking first.  You can't let the failure outside you get inside you." -John Maxwell

"Ninety percent of all those who fail are not actually defeated.   They simply quit." -Paul J. Meyer

"One of the greatest problems people have with failure is that they are too quick to judge isolated situations in their lives and label them as failures.  Instead, they need to keep the bigger picture in mind."

"The better a man is, the more mistakes he will make, for the more new things he will try.  I would never promote to a top-level job a man who was not making mistakes... otherwise he is sure to be mediocre."  -Peter Drucker

"The fight to take responsibility occurs within.  And rarely does talent, intelligence, or opportunity make the difference in whether a person wins that battle.  It calls for character." -John Maxwell

"Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves-to break our own records, to outstrip our yesterday by our today."  Stewart B. Johnson.

"Sooner or later we get just what we expect."

"It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of our responsibilities." -Sir Josiah Stamp

"If you always do what you've always done, then you will always get what you've always gotten."

That gives me a lot to think about and I hope the same for you. 
-Melissa

Visual Love & Encouragement

Crayola window crayons.  How are they inspirational?

These began as a Valentine's Day gift for my husband since "Words of Encouragement" are one of his top love languages.  I use them to write words of love and encouragement on our bathroom mirror regularly.


You could use them to write:

• a goal, since writing and visualizing them are so important in achieving them
• a favorite quote or bible verse to inspire, motivate or positively influence your thoughts
• the names of people you want to keep in your thoughts and prayers
• love notes, words of encouragement, or reminders for family members

Have fun loving and encouraging yourself and others!
-Melissa

A New Day

Over the years, I've heard many references to this book.  While talking to a friend recently, she mentioned she had it and I just had to borrow the book!  The information can easily be applied to relationships with all people we meet, not just spouses.  Here are some great quotes I pulled yesterday that we need to remind ourselves of daily!

"I'm amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.  They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday and in doing so, they pollute a potentially wonderful day."

"The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history."


"We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history.  We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday."

Have a wonderful day!
-Melissa

Climbing Out of a Rut

In a rut?  We all go through them personally and professionally!  Nothing goes your way and everything you touch falls apart.  You may be unmotivated or can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  If another person asks you to do something or another thing goes wrong, you feel you might just snap.  Maybe, business has stagnated or sales have dropped.  You might have faced some really serious trials.

So goes the leader... so goes the group.  You are a role model for others: your family, your community, perhaps for other business owners in your organization; your attitude affects others.  When mom is in a rut, the rest of the family is likely to follow suit.  In business, John Maxwell calls this "The Law of the Lid."  People within an organization tend to perform below the standards or example set by the leader.

At the conference I recently attended, I asked around to find out how other ladies pull themselves out of a rut.  Most answered that they pray.  While I agree this is a critical step, I kept wondering what had to change in order to snap out of it.  Then it came to me... it's all about our perspective.

A trainer within our organization is known for her thoughts on "the pit."  She says, "When you are in "the pit", don't decorate it!"  Don't plan to stay there long enough to throw a pity party or make it a home!

Our frame of mind, the tape that is playing through our thoughts-our internal voice, the attitude of our thoughts... affect how we see and respond to everything!  So if we find ourselves in a rut, what should we do?

Get a fresh perspective!

• Pray- as was the most common answer I got in my poll!  Look for assistance from the One who controls it all.  Ask for change and direction.
• Stand back and take a fresh look at your situation. Where do you see negativity?  If you need help viewing your situation, ask someone who knows you well to help. 
• Choose to change your thinking and your attitude.
• Identify activities and actions that need a change.  If you keep doing the same things, getting the same results- change what you are doing!
• Look for the positives daily and focus on those.
• Associate with positive people.
• Refuse to let the actions of others control you.

"Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you... We are in charge of our ATTITUDES." (Charles Swindoll)

Happy New Year!
-Melissa

Daily Devotion Daily Word - We Dare To Believe: Choices control your calendar - Rick Warren MInist...

Daily Devotion Daily Word - We Dare To Believe: Choices control your calendar - Rick Warren MInist...: "We are each responsible for our own conduct. Galatians 6:5 (NLT) 'You have just enough time to do God's will while you're here on earth.' Y..."

"Choose a good reputation over great riches,

for being held in high esteem is better than having silver or gold."

-Proverbs 22:1

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you

and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

-Jeremiah 29:11